It's My Show

Frustrating Much?

2012-01-26T17:57:00.001-08:00

When it’s the best dayever, you come home and all you want to do is hangout with your family or yourfriends. When you have a frustrating day, all you want to do is cry or ripstuff up. Sadly, for me, today was one of those frustrating days.

This week hasn’t beenan easy one. My head has been hurting, which puts me in a really bad mood. Mathclass is just a waste of time to me because I don’t get anything that theteacher is talking about. Every time I go to Geometry, I leave feeling dumberthan I did when I in.

Today I had a sub inArt, and she just ticked me off. I don’t know why, but I just don’t like hersometimes. I burned myself probably 5 times with the stupid hot glue gun. Myart project is a flop, and I can’t draw, just because someone tells me to.

I am not a spoiledbrat, contrary to popular belief. I have the things that I have because Iworked my rear end off all summer. I had a MacBook Pro, because I worked allsummer to make $1,300.00 to pay for it. It wasn’t fun, I didn’t enjoy it, and Idon’t want to do it again. My parents don’t just hand me things, I put my handout and it gets shot, metaphorically speaking of course. I worked extremelyhard to get an interview with Niello. It paid off, I got the interview. Myparents didn’t call up their good friend Rick Niello and say “hey my son needsa job, humor him would you?” No. I worked extremely hard, drove around fromdealership to dealership. Went to the DMV, THE DMV! I got a LiveScan done,which cost me $52. I worked hard and I got my interview. Sadly I still don’thave a job and so therefore I don’t have a new computer or a new car.

When I want to talk toyou, or I am feeling bad, I just want someone to listen, or even to pretend tolisten. I don’t care if you agree with me, I don’t care if you think I’m crazy,I just want you to listen.

It seems like everyonearound me just has everything handed to them, new cars, new computers, newphones every 6 months. I just don’t understand it. Why do I have to slave awayand be miserable when everyone else just puts out their hand and gets money orwhatever else they want?

All-in-all it’s been apretty rotten week so far, and I am still in a bad mood.

Mommmy, Mommy!

2012-01-23T19:31:00.000-08:00

Little Kid: Mommy! Mommy! Guess WHAT! I won an award today! Guess what for!
Mom: What?
Little Kid: Best art project!
Mom: Oh, great (super sarcastic)

The little boy was so hurt by his mothers words that he went to his room, and everyone forgot to call him for dinner.

This is obviously not exactly what happened to me today, but the basic idea is the same. There's no little kid, there's no art project, but there was something that to me was cool and special and someone I care about, and that I thought would be happy for me, couldn't even pretend to be excited for me.

That really hurt me because, I've never felt wanted or cared about at a certain location, and being nominated and winning an award in the year book, no I'm not gonna say what, you'll just have to wait and see.

I don't win awards very often, I can't sing, I can't Dance, I'm not mega smart, I'm just kind of my avereage old ADD self and winning things is special and important to me.

All I needed to hear was, good job.

Today my best friend was missing for a little under and hour, and because of confidential reasons, the office needs to know where he or she is at all times. We couldn't find her/him today and it scared me being really bad. My heart started to pump faster the longer he/she was "missing." She/he was okay and unharmed, but it still scared me to death, that my friend could be lying on the floor somewhere and that I wouldn't find him/her in time.

To cap off the night, my dad went to Roseville and took my Geometry and History book with him... I need both of them.

Hi! My name is Austen, get to know me

2012-01-15T23:29:00.000-08:00

My parents went to a different church this morning to hear someone sing. My brothers and I went to our church in my dad's Ford F350 truck. We went out for lunch with my good friend Susan and my honorary mom, Jacqie. We had a great meal, except for the fact that the service wasn't o great and my brothers don't really have any manners at all and don't know how to behave like miniature adults.

I had the pleasure of seeing POWER All Stars competing at the Sacramento Memorial Auditorium today. Their team has had a lot of misfortunes hit them this year, but has overcome all it. Even though they are still deeply hurting from the lasted attack on their team, they performed better than ever in honor of their teammate.

This is my first entry. I would like to explain the title of my blog: It's My Show.

My life is run by me. My life and choices aren't going to be dictated to me by anyone. Not the public, not my peers, not anyone. I am who I am and I love that. I am outgoing, I am loud, I am, well... Austen. As my dear friend Lindsay put it, "there is no way to describe you other than just, Austen."

A few things about myself, I was a Varsity Cheerleader for Capital Christian High School, during the 2011-2012 school year, for the first semester. My activities included Cheer Camp, at William Jessup Univ. I was a Back Base or Back Spot. My tumbling arsenal includes a Round-Off, Cartwheel and a Front Walk-Over. I was super close to my Back-Hand Spring, until I injured myself during tumbling practice at POWER Cheer Gym, in June of 2011. I sat out for about 7 weeks, then returned to practice. I missed alot, but I was there to support my team, whenever possible.

When I started cheering at games, things got interesting. I am one of those people that gets hurt pretty easily, I can hide my feelings for a little while, but I usually end up crying, and I'm not at all ashamed of that. Crying is therapeutic, and its less illegal than breaking windows with a baseball bat. At the second to last football game, I had finally had enough of the teasing, and looks. I told myself, to get through the coming game, give it my all and do my tumbling pass well. I walked passed a group of kids before the game, who called me gay under their breath as I walked away. That hurt me really bad, because one, its nowhere near true, and second because that is how every looks at me.

Here's why. I have never had a girlfriend before. That is half a personal choice, because I haven't met a girl yet who really understands me, and that I care about enough to be more than just a friend. The other half, is that my parents have discouraged it. Which I agree with and disagree with.

I agree with it because there are emotional consequences that can stem from a relationship ending, and it can also cause a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety, and as a person who gets stressed out easily, it is probably for the better that I wait until I am a little older.

I disagree with it because dating and being attracted to the opposite gender is natural, and it should be encouraged to a point. Some parents encourage their middle school aged kids to date, this is not a good idea, because middle school aged kids aren't old enough to understand the complexities of a relationship as well as the consequences of their actions, as compared to a 17 or 18 year old. I think dating at age 17 and up is healthy and should be somewhat encouraged. If not ENcouraged, then not DIScouraged.

I will admit, I did fall in love with summer over the summer. Whether or not it was a mutual attraction or not, no one will ever know. I loved her very much and we are still great friends. As I have learned over the few years I have been on this planet, sometimes you know its meant to be and you just go for it. Other times you wonder if the other person shares your feelings. When you think you may be in love with one of your best friends, you never know how to proceed. If you spill your guts and lay all your cards out on the table, you could end up losing your best friend, or you could end up with "the one." If you keep your feelings to yourself, you could end up loosing the romance, unless they spill their guts to you. I almost spilled and told her everything, but I chose not to say anything, because one, I was scared of the outcome and two, she had expressed interest in someone else.

The way my one-sided romance ended was heartbreaking. I cried, I walked, I screamed, I sang, I pondered. In the end, I decided it wasn't worth worrying about. That is easier said than done. To this day, I still have feelings for her. She's with someone else, and I'm not going to interfere with that, because it is childish and selfish. If you love something let it go, if it comes back, its yours, if not, than its not meant to be.

We are still friends, and we always will be. We will always be close, we will always be there for each other, but as of right now, we aren't meant to be together.

I openly admit it: I AM DIFFERENT THAN EVERYONE ELSE! It's who I am, if the crowd says wear purple, I say heck no, I'm wearing red. I push boundaries, I push limits, I look at the world from a very different perspective than most people my age.

The boundaries I push are ones put in place by society. If society says, no you can't do this because you are to young, to inexperienced, than I make it my goal to prove society wrong.

All-in-all, I am a very different, very unique person, and guess what, I OWN IT! I LOVE IT! And I'm not going to change.

Everyone always talks about the truth, here it is in plain English.

I love Jesus Christ the creator and savior of the world, and my soul.
I am not gay.
I find women attractive, but I choose to respect them, and treat them the way they deserve.
I love cheer.
I love to tumble.
I love working.
I love my family.
I love my friends.
I love my teammates.
I loved being a cheerleader.
I love bright colors, I won't wear them, but I still like to have color in my life.
I love Kelly Clarkson and Chris Brown.
I am my own individual person.
You can't change me
You can't dictate to me, how I live my life.
You can be my friend, all you have to do is ask :)

I love myself, I love being Austen Elias Anderson, even if I don't drive a Maserati now, I will someday.